In reality, once grown, they find out that their disturbing childhood left them mistrustful and fearful around other people and they may find it difficult to make meaningful connections. They also tend to treat their bodies the Even from the distance I’ll teach with all my heart shirt in addition I really love this way their parents treated them: as things without feelings that are there simply to be useful. This generally translates into them becoming dissociated from their feelings and bodily sensations and often working till they are literally exhausted and ill. These Narcissistic parents treat their children as slaves. The children have no rights and get no respect. Their parents treat them as inhuman tools without feelings who exist mainly to serve the parents’ needs. These parents often have a sadistic streak and may actively abuse their children. Sometimes the abuse takes physical form and the children are regularly beaten for disobedience of any kind. One young man reported that his family had a particularly ritualized way of physically abusing him. When he displeased his Narcissistic mother during the day, she would tell his step father when he came home from work that the boy needed to be punished. After dinner, the boy would have to choose the item with which he would be beaten from a wall of implements: various sized sticks and short whips. This boy’s spirit was never broken. He did not grow up to have a Narcissistic or a Schizoid adaptation. Instead he became extremely rebellious and resisted any and all forms of authority. His family was upper class and extremely status conscious and pretentious. One of his forms of rebellion and revenge consisted of him becoming a petty criminal and pretending to be working class. He saw this as the ultimate rejection of his family and as a perpetual source of embarrassment for them. Another young man never managed to fully leave his abusive family. Despite being quite good-looking, he saw himself as fat, unattractive, and unappealing to women. He had body-dysmorphic disorder and extremely low self-esteem from being continually told that he was ugly and useless. He had internalized his family’s Narcissistic values, but was convinced that he was too inferior to ever achieve anything significant. Instead he focused his insecurities on his appearance. He comforted himself with the fantasy that he would date someday and get a better job when he was thinner and had worked out at the gym enough to get a better physique.
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Some children internalize being treated as a slave without feelings as a model of all relationships. They see most forms of contact with other people as potentially dangerous. In their experience, there are only two possible relationship roles: either you are the Even from the distance I’ll teach with all my heart shirt in addition I really love this “Master” and call all the shots or you are the “Slave” and have to do whatever the Master wants in order to keep the relationship. No negotiation is possible. Relationships are a take it or leave it proposition. The only alternative is to isolate yourself completely. There are many different ways to be a Narcissistic family and some are much harder on children. Children tend to adapt to the family that they find themselves in and adopt that family’s value system. This makes it likely that the children will grow up with a Narcissistic disorder of some kind or, at the very least, many Narcissistic traits. In more abusive and neglectful Narcissistic families, many children make a Schizoid adaptation to survive. There are obviously some exceptions but in most cases I’d say yes they do. I’ve taught in senior schools for years and we frequently get kids coming into schools who have been home schooled up until the point where their need for information overtakes their parents’ knowledge and they enter mainstream schooling. The rigid nature of the timetable throws them completely. They’re used to lessons lasting as long as they need and a lot of flexibility in their education. Suddenly having set periods causes them real problems. Standards of discipline are completely different. They’re no longer the only person in the school and they can’t get the sole attention of the teacher. They have to wait patiently for attention and observe classroom rules designed for 30 students and created with the most unruly of those students in mind. It’s easy to underestimate how incredibly stressful this is for kids who aren’t used to it. They really struggle to cope and become anxious and uptight dealing with the social structures of education. Suddenly they’re encountering bullies, manipulators, sexually attractive teens, practical jokers, sociopaths, enablers, tempters, trolls, teasers and arseholes. And they encounter them all for the first time without coping mechanisms and at an incredibly stressful point in their life. Many of them fall apart completely. They struggle to react appropriately to situations that their peers have had to deal with for a decade and have a full arsenal of coping mechanisms in place for.